I fell – hard – but I got right back up. And then I fell again.
Does this sound familiar? You fall, and then you get back up.
While this may be the reality for most, my fall was literal. I fell down some stairs. More than once. While surrounded by strangers, I found it easier to brush it off than to really FEEL the pain that was arising in that moment. Physical pain followed by deep emotional despair. Here we go again, I thought. Once again, life had screwed me over.
This fall, on the 31st of December 2014, would result in me flying higher than ever before. But obviously, I didn’t know that at the time. It took almost three years to realise that I was being called to awaken to my own magnificence; to see myself as a creator. I didn’t realise that I had been viewing my life through the lens of a victim! But the fall was really a calling from my soul. Once I finally made the connection, everything changed. The fall created a burning desire within me to experience myself as a creator. But before I stepped into my new role, I first had to let go of the weight of my past.
With every single throb and ache of my tailbone, I felt my heart aching. With every single tear that I shed, I felt my soul cry. After years of suffering, I realised that my pain was a physical manifestation of the emotional pain I carried with me over 27 years. And the most surprising part was that it wasn’t solely MY pain. It was my family’s pain. It was the pain of my ancestors. I realised just how much I had been suppressing. After the fall, began a quest for healing and for feeling.
The most remarkable thing about pain is not the actual sensations that arise, but OUR RESPONSE to those sensations. We have some very unhelpful default settings in place when we face a tough situation or experience a negative emotion – we immediately want to rid ourselves of that discomfort. We attach SO much meaning to our pain, and before we know it, we’re feeling even more upset than before. We see our life as a “failure” simply because we’re not feeling happy in the moment!
I’ve come to realise that pain is not the enemy. It’s a call to care for and treat ourselves better. It’s a call to wake us up to our divinity. It occurs when at some level (either in the Body, Mind or Spirit) we’re not aligned with our true nature. When we resist pain, we think we know better than the intelligence that governs our bodies. All that pain (emotional or physical) asks from us is to be open to it, without needing to change it.
Now, my definition of the word “Pain” has changed significantly. From being a word that embodies extreme discomfort and negativity to one that is simply here to transmit a message:
“Pay Attention, Integrate Now”
Over the years, I learnt that this message wasn’t just for my own healing. My journey has expanded from a solo mission to a collective mission. If I can leave you with just one piece of advice about the pain you may be feeling, it would be this: BE PRESENT with your pain. When sadness comes to visit, hold it. When anger comes to visit, listen to it. And know that one day you’ll look back and see that your pain wasn’t blocking your path; it IS the path.